Happy Wednesday, Weddzilla! The week is half over, and I hope you are all as lucky as I am and have a three-day weekend because of Memorial Day! Man-of-Honor Sam and I have about a billion wedding projects to work on over the long weekend, but today’s post isn’t going to be about anything DIY.
I don’t know if I ever told you guys this, but Bryan and I met at work. At the time, I was an intern and he was a full-time employee (he graduated from college 2 years before I did). We started off hanging out just as friends, which led to us having more feelings for each other. At first, he didn’t want to even consider having a relationship with me, thinking that since I’m a girl, I wouldn’t be able to act professional at work. Turns out, he had a harder time with that than I did (there were a few occassions where he called me “babe” at work and then frantically looked around to see if anyone heard him)!
There weren’t any rules saying an intern and a full-time employee couldn’t date, but as far as we knew, it had never been done before and we didn’t want to be the firsts. So although we started dating, and even moved in together after barely 4 months, we didn’t tell anyone at work. Eventually, I got transferred to a different location, which made it a million times easier to “hide” our relationship since we never saw each other at work.
When Bryan proposed, I had already started as a full-time employee at the same company. We really weren’t sure what to do. Obviously, we couldn’t try to say that we had JUST started dating when I graduated a month before. We decided I would go and seek advice from Ray, who is one of the directors within the IT Department (both Bryan and I work in IT), since Ray had always made himself available to people, intern or full-time, if they ever had an issue. The conversation went something like this:
Amanda – Ray…can I talk to you for a second?
Ray – Sure thing, what’s up?
Amanda ::closes office door:: – I’m engaged ::finally pulls left hand out of pocket::
Ray – Congratulations!!! Why do you look so nervous?
Amanda – I’m engaged to Bryan (insert last name)…
Ray ::look of shock:: – That’s amazing!
Amanda – Do we have to, like, tell anyone? HR or something?
Ray – No, especially since you don’t work in the same office. Just don’t be kissing up on one another at work!
Amanda ::chuckles:: – That shouldn’t be a problem, we don’t really “kiss up on one another” in public period.
Ray – So are you looking for someone to marry you?
Amanda ::confused:: – Yeah, eventually, that’s kinda the point…
Ray – I’ll do it!
Amanda – What?
Ray – I’m an Ordained Minister!
Amanda ::raises eyebrows in disbelief::
Ray – No, seriously…::pulls out “Minister License”::
Amanda – That would be amazing, but obviously I’ll have to talk to Bryan about it first.
Ray – Of course, of course, congratulations again!
See, our original plan was to probably have a Justice of the Peace ceremony just because we weren’t planning on having a religious wedding, but this was perfect. Ray is one of the nicest, funniest people on the planet, and he knows both Bryan and I — it seriously couldn’t be better.
Well, with 3 and a half months until the wedding, Ray gave us a “Marriage Counseling” worksheet to complete. Each of us had to fill it out on our own, and then we would all go over it together.
Obviously, even though we haven’t met with Ray yet, after Bryan and I filled them out, we looked at them. But I thought it was a great exercise and figured I’d share it with you:
1. Please list five reasons why you should stay married to your mate.
2. Can you honestly say that the person you married is God’s gift to you? Are you willing to accept him/her as God’s gift to you?
3. Can you honestly say that your mate is the ONLY person for you and that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with him/her?
4. Please list five strong points concerning your mate.
5. Please list five weaknesses concerning your mate?
6. Have you discussed these weaknesses with this person? If not, why?
7. What main point attracted you to this person?
8. What is his/her major strong point?
9. What is his/or major weakness?
10. List five things which you want most out of this marriage.
11. List ten things which you feel are absolutely necessary for happiness.
12. What do you know about your mate?
a) What are his/her major likes and dislikes?
b) How tall? Weight? Color eyes? Color hair?
c) What are your major differences?
13. Family life
a) What is the man’s position in the home?
b) What is the woman’s position in the home?
14. What is prayer? Have you ever prayed together?
15. Have you ever read the Bible together?
16. What is love?
Bryan and I didn’t have any huge discoveries by completing this exercise, but that’s because we try very hard to communicate with one another.
Some of my favorite questions and/or answers were that for #8, Bryan said my major strong point was my confidence, whereas for #9, I said his major weakness is his low self-confidence. I think that says a lot about us as a couple.
For #12, I actually put “he says he’s 5’5, but he’s really 5’4″ and he responded to me “I KNEW you were going to say that!” And although I believe I have grey eyes, I knew he would put green (but I just think he’s color blind). The best one though was “what are your major differences?” I said “I live in the moment, he’s always planning for the future” and he said “she’s a spender, I’m a saver” which is basically what I meant, haha!
Overall, I think even if you aren’t required to do “Marriage Counseling” of any sort before your wedding, it’s a really good idea to do an exercise like this. You never know what you’ll find out about the person you’re engaged to!