Whether you are engaged, newlywed or married for a long time, talking about money for the success of your marriage is a daily choice. Every day when you get up and prepare to go to work, go to school or even if you are a homemaker, you will have to make a choice regarding money and the affect it will have on your relationship. Don’t take it for granted that it could be something as small as whether or not you should get a latté today. For the shopper in the relationship, a simple latté could be his or her downfall because they don’t just stop at a latté. Think about it for those people you know that are latté lovers, how many do they have in a day?
For the engaged couple that hasn’t even started this conversation it may seem awkward to even approach this subject. Yet, they are discussing wedding plans and budgets which is only the beginning of money matters in relationships. Step back and look at the wedding planning, you will be talking about budgets, what you have to have for the wedding and what you can do without and of course who will be paying for the wedding. Many brides are thinking about their wedding every day and are making sure they can stay within the budget. Other brides are overwhelmed by the wedding plans, are already over budget and are seeking ways to get extra money or reduce expenses. What can make the difference in both of these situations is talking with their fiancé and finding out what is important to both of you and then remove the “wants†that are not as important.
Newlyweds on the other hand have entered into their marriage maybe not having discussed money prior to saying “I Doâ€. Now they are faced with the choice to start this conversation in order to plan for their future. A lot of newlyweds think about purchasing a house until they find out that one or the other has poor credit. Then that starts a new conversation that they were unaware would be taking place. Whatever your goal is as a newlywed, money should be talked about throughout your marriage. Let me strongly encourage you to not begin placing blame because it was a CHOICE to not discuss money prior to getting married. Believe me; I hear it all the time from friends and colleagues who have friends that are getting married. They tell me, when they asked their friends if they talked about married, the response is generally “We’ll talk about that laterâ€. WOW! Getting married in financial darkness is not the answer!
Married beyond newlywed, here is where the fun really starts. Regardless of whom the money manager is in order for the marriage to succeed in the area of money they must talk about money WITH each other instead of AT each other. There is a difference and money discussions must be one of inclusion instead of one of exclusion. I know firsthand that some money managers out there are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders because they believe they are protecting the other spouse. NEWSFLASH – you are not protecting the other spouse by remaining silent as a matter of fact, you are setting them up for a financial letdown. Then when something unexpected happens, you will be on the firing lines because you are the money manager. Money talk in marriage is an ongoing conversation. It is not a one time conversation.
Each day you wake up, you have a choice to make when it comes to money for your marriage. Do you spend or save? Do you buy on impulse or do wait until you have the money to pay in cash? Do you allow yourself to be “sucked in†by the ads in the paper and television or do you choose RESTRAINT knowing that you and your spouse have certain financial goals you are seeking to meet.
How do you and the Love of your Life communicate about money?
