All posts tagged wedding planning stress

Wedding Vendor — Inexperienced and Cheap

This is the headline that I see all too often.  Oh, the headline may not be verbatim, but in essence, this is what it means when you cut to the chase. 

 This week alone, I have heard two wedding stories of disasters because the bride elected to go without a planner and/or use a service provided by someone they knew who was cheap. 

 

First Story:  One of our photographers met with a bride around February or so, who contracted their services.  They encouraged the bride to contact us for coordinating and other services we offer.  The bride’s response was that they were paying for their own wedding and could not afford to do so.  They went ahead, on their own, to plan their wedding.  They chose a venue that was over-priced, did not provide anything other than tables and chairs, and was an outside venue for the ceremony.  They did not look into what the alternatives might be if there was inclement weather or whether those alternatives were acceptable to them before signing the contract.  Hence, here comes Hurricane Irene.  The venue is being unreasonable, even in view of the weather predictions about the pending storm.  They will not give the bride a definitive answer on bringing her ceremony inside.  My photographer calls me and asks if I can help out by maybe calling the venue which I agree to do.  After a conversation with the venue, they agree to pull the ceremony inside.  However, because the inside area at the venue has no lights by the wedding day due to the storm, they move everything to another venue down the road.  This venue is pretty much a dump compared to the venue she paid $3,500 for and eventually the lights went out there as well.  Well, the bride ended up just accepting the situation and making the best of it.  However, it was stressful for her, inconvenient for her guests and not at all how her day was envisioned I am sure.  Now, certainly, the venue had no control over the storm or the power going out.  However, they could have come up with a better plan and not on the day of the wedding.  Also, in the interest of customer service, it should not have taken a phone call from me to get them to take better care of their client.  She was not even my client and I was concerned about her situation.

 Second Story:  Bride needs invitations for her wedding and goes with someone who does it as a hobby.  The final version of the invitations has all the names spelled incorrectly, directions are incorrect, as well as inappropriate information – this even after the bride asked for corrections.  These were mailed to the guests by the person who made the invitations.  Needless to say, the bride was beyond embarrassed when she discovered what had been done and did not know what to do.  My suggestion was to get her money back and have us do something inexpensive but nice and resend the invitations with a note to ignore what was sent previously in error. 

We never print invitations unless the bride has reviewed them fully and until we have proofed them at least 3 to 4 times ourselves.  Every correction/edit requires another review from the bride.  We would certainly not mail them without the bride seeing them and approving them before mailing. 

Just food for thought, be careful about the decisions you make for your wedding.  Seek professional vendors and expert advice for your wedding planning services and products.  Don’t accept a favor on something because it will save you money.  You may be very sorry and/or embarrassed and by the time you realize you have a mess, it could be too late!

CHOOSING “FAMILY AND FRIENDS” AS YOUR WEDDING VENDOR

 

I am more and more often running into clients who want to hire friends and family members as vendors for their event because they are cheap or free.  I am all for saving a dollar and I think it is very wise to watch your wedding budget.  The thing I find very frustrating is that in most instances, these friends or family members provide services as a “side gig” or hobby and are not a professional business.  As such, being their client, you are left to compete with the vendor’s “real” job in providing their services to you.  They sometimes have fulltime employment and as such are limited in their time and commitment.  I have a client whose “friends and family” vendors do not return my calls.    This makes it very hard to communicate with them and do an effective job.  Coordinating a wedding is a joint effort which involves communication and consideration to have a pleasing result for the bride.  Lack of communication can be disastrous to a wedding or any event.

 Another consideration is that in terms of some vendors, venues are now requiring that they are a licensed business with liability insurance and proof of both.  One venue I deal with requires that the caterer and band do a separate contract and have proof of liability insurance. 

 Something I am also experiencing is that a lot of these vendors do not have contracts and kind of look at me as if I have two heads when I ask if they do.   Don’t get me wrong, everyone has to start somewhere.  However, you need to make sure of what position you are putting yourself in when you make the decision to go this route.

 

There are some very important things to consider when you are hiring friends or family as your wedding vendor.  Please ask these questions before making that decision:

 1.         Do they have a full-time professional business or is this a part-time thing for them?  If the latter is the case, you may find them hard to reach and slow at responding to your inquiries.  Professional vendors want your business and will keep in touch and be responsive.

2.         If he does have another job, how much flexibility does he have?  Will you only have access to him after working hours?  What if there is a conflict with his job and your wedding date?

3.         Does he have a contract that clearly outlines what you have requested for your event, including services provided, charges, payment schedule, deposit, and provisions in the instance that something happens that he cannot make your event.  Verbal agreements can be catchy, ambiguous and people sometimes forget/misunderstand what they hear or what was said.

4.         Is he easily accessible via email and by phone and responsive within a reasonable amount of time?   

5.         Does he have adequate equipment and personnel to get the job done and fulfill the terms of the contract?  For instance, a DJ that has to rent his equipment for your event might be a problem. 

 6.         Consider whether you want your friend or family member to enjoy your wedding as a guest or work your wedding.  He cannot effectively do both. 

 7.         Business is business.  Can your personal relationship be put aside to ensure that services are delivered as requested and in a timely fashion?    

 8.         Are you prepared to deal with the situation if your friend or family member does not satisfy the agreement, whether verbal or in a contract? 

 Money is certainly a consideration in all decisions for your wedding; however, make sure you take everything into consideration.  Do not let money cloud your judgment.  Make wise and informed decisions.

Wedding Advice: Prepare and then Focus on What’s Right

You have spent many hours preparing for your wedding. You can get all caught up in the details and become upset when they don’t all come together. In focusing on what is right – your marriage – you can ride these out and have a fondly remembered day.

There have been countless times when I’ve seen stressed out brides just before a ceremony. They have worried about the color of the rose petals that the flower girl will carry and a never ending list of small things. Unfortunately, they can lose sight of what is important – their marriage.

I arrived at the golf course in Montreal to perform the wedding ceremony. They had hoped to have the wedding outdoors. The weather had not cooperated and the grounds master would not allow it to occur on the grass. This was the beginning of many challenges with this wedding. When I checked in with the groom, I found him so nervous that I thought he would faint at any moment. She had forgotten a get a glass for the “Breaking the Glass” ritual and reached around and gave me a standard wine glass from the bar. I needed to hunt around and haul a table so that we could do the signing. By the time the ceremony began, two water column vases had been knocked over and broken. As the bride walked down the aisle, she almost tripped over the runner. Her bridesmaids were not in the right order at the front and her parents got confused in where they were to sit. All this before I started talking at the ceremony.

I love this bride. She could have freaked out at any time. Instead, she took it all in stride and focused on what was important – she was marrying her man. It was fitting that one of her readings was the following:

“Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficult and fear assail your relationship – as they threaten all relationships at one time or another – remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives – remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there. And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight.”

I later received an email thanking me for all the laughs and tears on her big day – a day that is now a fond memory.

 

Courtesy Alan Viau

To Do or Not To Do – DIY Wedding Flowers

You may or may not know that I wrote a Do It Yourself Wedding Flower Guide.  It is a workbook with step by step instructions and (5) DVD’s explaining and showing you how to do ALL of your wedding flowers on your own.   Today I am writing about DIY Flowers because I’ve been seeing a lot of chatter on Facebook about it by wedding professionals who are upset by the whole DIY trend.  The last post I saw referenced Martha Stewart’s recent DIY Weddings Magazine and stated that Martha does NOT tell brides to do their own wedding flowers the night before the wedding.   The inference was that someone is telling brides to do their own wedding flowers the night before their wedding.

I have never recommended any bride do her wedding flowers the night before the wedding.  In fact, I’ve gone to great lengths to explain the proper timeline for ordering your flowers, picking up your flowers, processing your flowers, designing your flowers and storing your flowers.  And, the bottom line is, I recommend that you get all your flowers designed and put away 2 days before your wedding.  So, for example, if you are getting married on a Saturday, then you should pick up your flowers on Wednesday and process them.  On Thursday, get it all done, design all the bouquets, corsages, boutonnieres, church flowers and centerpieces.  Of course, that requires HELP, which I also spell out for you.

If this is something you are interested in doing, I would suggest that you check out  my videos on the subject at youtube.com.  I explain how many helpers you should line up, I talk about refrigeration, (which is the normal way you would store your flowers) and I’ve provided a whole bunch of brief videos all related to helping you decide if doing your own wedding flowers is worth the TIME and EFFORT.  It is a lot of time and effort.  It is weren’t, it wouldn’t cost so much money.

I recommend that you choose fairly simple and easy to make centerpieces.  If you are decorating a church or ceremony site with bows – don’t wait until this window of time to get those done, do them ahead of time – like a month ahead of time and store them until you need them.  If you are swagging fabric along an aisle, get it measured and cut and stored ahead of time.  The more you can do ahead of time the better off you will be when it comes down to the week before your wedding.   I strongly believe that you should ENJOY your wedding and all the events leading up to it.  If you are waiting until the night before your wedding to put your flowers together, chances are you are going to be SUPER STRESSED OUT.  And, if something goes wrong, you have no wiggle room to get it worked out.

I have personally spoken with several brides who chose to do their own wedding flowers the night before the wedding.  Unless you have a super easy going personality, don’t do it!  The night before your wedding is supposed to be when you have your rehearsal dinner and enjoy time with your family and friends.   I remember one bride who told me she did her flowers the night before was super easy going and really enjoyed putting all her flowers together with the help of family and friends.  And then she slept in the room with the flowers and told me how wonderful it was to smell the flowers all night.  That is not a scenario for everyone.  And the pickier you are the more I don’t recommend this idea.   Here are a couple sample centerpiece ideas that I would recommend if you are going to do your own flowers.

Easy DIY Centerpiece

Nine roses lined up in rows of three in a square vase

 

Super Easy Centerpiece Idea

Peonies in a Square Vase

 

I’ve taken both these centerpiece pictures/ideas out of my DIY Wedding Flower Guide.   I truly hope that you enjoy your wedding day and all the days leading up to it!

Will You Be Late to Your Own Wedding?

Vendor fees may increase if you are late.

I recently had lunch with a pastor friend of mine who performs wedding ceremonies and his wife.  They told me about an experience of mayhem at a wedding for a DIY bride.  The bride was more than an hour late for her wedding and totally exhausted.  The reason?  Well, she did her own flowers, decorating, hair (with a weave in I might add), makeup and God only knows what else.  I am not sure if it was a control issue or to save money.  I am sure the latter is probably the correct answer.  In her attempt to do it all, she ended up having to pay vendors for extended time and put some vendors in an uncomfortable position because they had other commitments.  Of course, the ceremony starting more than an hour late pushes the reception out of whack, too.  The guests were restless and even angry.  This is unacceptable, very rude and inconsiderate not only to the guests but the vendors.

Tick, tock…  The clock is ticking and continues to do so.  If you are late to your wedding, your wallet may well feel a ping from the clock.  The possible added expenses and problems in being late to your own wedding are:

1.         Your limo driver and other vendors will probably have to charge you more for time or you will lose time you paid for. 

2.         If you are getting married in a church, they may have other weddings scheduled after yours and you will be holding up another bride.  Hence, your ceremony time may be cut. 

3.         The officiant might have other weddings scheduled that day, too.  He may be put in the position to leave and come back to perform your ceremony later, which will definitely cost you more money. 

4.         Your reception time has just been sliced.  So you essentially paid for time that you will never enjoy because you are behind schedule. 

5.         You certainly won’t make it onto your mother-in-law’s favorites list.

Time is always money.  Don’t let this happen to you at your wedding.  Hire professionals to do the work and definitely have a planner to oversee everything for you.  

Instead of being stressed and exhausted let the following be your wedding day schedule:

Relax with Your Bridal Party Before Your Wedding

8:00 a.m.                     Breakfast with maid of honor, bridesmaids, mothers,  etc.

 9:30 a.m.                     Hair, manicure and pedicure appointment.

12:00 noon                  Back to designated location, relax, have makeup done and get ready for wedding (fruit, water and light snacks available in room).

2:30 p.m.                     Limo picks up bride and others as instructed to go to church.

3:30 p.m.                     Ceremony begins and bride is radiant, relaxed and stress-free for beautiful photos. 

Isn’t that so much more appealing than being stressed and exhausted?  In the above bridal timeline, is there any time for you to run around trying to figure out flowers and setting up tables, etc.? 

I have seen countless brides either exhaust themselves (and their families) the night before the wedding and/or the day of.  They are stressed out and stressing everyone else out.   Leave yourself off the “things to do list” on your wedding day.  Put in your work in the planning phase with the best reliable vendors that take charge that day!  You need to relax and enjoy the whole day.  In the long run, you will be so glad you did.  So – don’t be late!

Copyright © 2012 Weddzilla